Learning journal #11: Family dynamics

Today in class we discussed family dynamics in Tonga and different roles members may have within a family.  We had to draw out our family on a piece of paper.  I included my immediate family of course, but also felt I the need to include my extended family.  While growing up, four cousins came and stay with us at home.  Some of them were distant relatives like fourth cousins to me.  I've learned to love them like my brothers and they were kind of like my older brothers.  My grandparents lived with us at home too.  My aunties also lived in the house during my early years, before they got married and moved out.  My other grandparents lived five minutes away from us and so they always came over too.  My house was always full of family members, which I learned to love.  I also included my cousins from my mom and my dad's side because I am pretty close to all of them.  

Family is very important in the Tongan culture.  Family is a big deal in the Tongan culture as it includes, literally everyone.  There is no Tongan word for the word "cousin."  Instead, we use the word "tokoua, tuonga'ane, tu'ofefine" which means brother or sister.  In the Tongan culture, your cousin is your brother or sister, and that is what I learned at home.  

I think it's interesting how much emphasis is put on "family and family roles" in the Tongan culture.  Understanding family roles in Tonga is important for us to understand because that is part of learning about the culture and will help us in our host families.  Understanding what individual roles they have in their family will help us understand what our role is as a visitor.  While I was visiting Tonga this past summer, I stayed with my aunt's husband's family (see, family can include everyone!), and they had a daughter that was around my age.  She would help her mom with the cooking and cleaning around the house.  I felt that was her role in her family, was to help her mom.  I then learned my role while staying there, was to help her, help her mom.  I think that is another reason why observing nonverbal communication is important because it will help us understand things that won't be said while we're there.